One of my favorite sayings comes from author Laurie Colwin. She writes, "After a certain age, no joy is unmitigated." To me, that means that as you go through life, there will be a point when every feeling of happiness will be accompanied by some sorrow.
As survivors, we all know what that feels like. And the holidays can be the most difficult time of year for us, as we look back on our lives and wish things could be different. And do you know what? Things can be different - from now on. Here are some tips to help you take back the holiday season.
- Take your medication as directed
It's never a good time to play around with your meds, but this time of year it's especially important to make sure you are properly medicated.
Improper medication dosages can turn a slightly unpleasant event into unmitigated horror. So keep up on your meds! Why make things worse than they have to be?
- Go to special and holiday events, even if it's hard
Are there special Christmas services, parties you are invited to, or other events you're contemplating? If you feel strong, please try to attend. It may be hard at first, but positive social interaction will feel refreshing and invigorating. You'll be amazed at how good you feel when you're back home.
- Start new traditions
Since I was diagnosed with cancer four days before Christmas in 1984, my wife and I really hated the holidays. Then one year she decided to take Christmas back. We bought new ornaments for the tree, rearranged the house, she made some new slipcovers, and we started some new traditions, including a walk late on Christmas Eve, just the two of us, to admire the lights in the neighborhood.
The father of a friend of mine died around Christmas time. Her mother tried to make that Christmas exactly the same, and pretended that everything was the same. All that accomplished was to highlight how everyone missed their father. It was a disaster. In subsequent years, they made it a point to make Christmastime be as different as possible. They established a new tradition of having Christmas in Arizona with relatives instead of in Minnesota alone. It made a big difference in their ability to enjoy the holiday.
- Don't try to do everything
Make a list of the things you need to do, then cut it in half. This time of year can be difficult enough - you don't need to be frazzled with chores and obligations too. Fight your guilt feelings by remembering that you need to take care of yourself first.
- Take some time to relax and do things just for you
And congratulate yourself on being a survivor!
- Don't have high expectations
Nobody's family is like a Norman Rockwell painting, so don't make the mistake of comparing your insides to someone's outsides. Nobody has a perfect life, and everyone has some pain. Remember that, read my article about Emotional Detachment, and practice the lessons you'll find there.
- Plan ahead
If you have to go someplace for the holidays where you don't feel comfortable, plan on bringing something with you that can help you feel safe. It can be a stuffed toy, a picture of your favorite room in your home, or a note from a friend. Plan for a fun activity when you get home too, so you have something to look forward to. During especially difficult times, it helps to distract yourself by planning details of your fun activity that is in your future.
- Give to others
Check out charities in your area and buy a toy for a needy child this year. Think about volunteering to help with Christmas meals, make some decorations for the elderly or housebound, or give special Christmas foods to the food shelves in your area. Involving yourself in outside activities takes your mind off of your pain.
- Avoid alcohol
Did you know that alcohol is a depressant? You may have a feeling of euphoria when you first drink, but your mood will quickly sink. And alcohol can interfere with some medications, compounding the problem.
- Get some exercise
Exercise creates endorphins, which helps elevate your mood. Also, getting out in the fresh air and daylight will help you sleep better at night. I remember one year we decided to forego New Year's Eve. On New Year's Day morning, we went for a walk. It was beautiful, crisp, and quiet. All of the revelers were in bed with hangovers, and there was a feeling of trust and camaradarie between us and the few other people we encountered that morning.
- Talk about the holidays with friends in our Chat rooms.
With some effort and determination, you can get through the holiday season and make it a bit brighter this year, and in the years to come.
